Dear friend, well hello! Glad you are here with me. You know, the two or more thing? Yep, that's us. Been a bit since I've dropped in. Haywire - that's life isn't it these days? Yes, it is. . .
I've heard it's been kind of uncertain these days, for you as much as for me. Yes, I can sure relate to that word. It's sort of like someone took the sunshine of hope and security and mushed it on down the horizon and out of our days, and leaving darkness of uncertainty even with a denseness to it that hints of despair, depression, desperation.
Most of the time, I can love the night time. So many times it brings about thoughts of day's end, jobs well done, rest at home, things like that. But not this time, not this darkness, not this night.
And does yours sort of feel like it's gonna just stay that way - all dark and dreary? Yes? I can relate.
Before I tell you all those age old comments and quotes like joy comes in the morning, tomorrow's a new day, the sun will come up tomorrow, and get you to focus on that - I want to ask you to do something sort of odd. I want you to stay in the night for a minute or two. Yes, that's what I said. Stay in the night. No, I'm not insane or out of my mind. Yes, I do have a reason for telling you this. Here, sit a spell and read on, and let me tell you about my night.
It was a couple of weeks ago now, I've kept this in my memory and been mulling it over and over for a bit. I wanted to make sure I was still enough and listening enough before I went gabbing about it like I usually do. I can't remember all that I'd done the days before this, but it was much as I'm doing now, working fast paced, being the "good worker". Working at home, caring for my family, being "the good mother". Fitting in time for some ladies stuff for church, being "the good servant". Trying to keep up with my friends as they struggle with stuff like deaths and serious health issues, surgeries, birthdays, baby showers, you know, and being "the good friend". Somewhere in that there's more being's. Being the good wife, the good daughter, the good sister, the good example, the good mentor.
And inside? I was being the good "at nothing", the good "for nothing". I was hearing that small voice inside saying "hey! I'm here! Don't forget about me! Remember me? I'm YOU. I'm the fearful one, the uncertain one, the one that can't figure any of this out, the one you won't let others see or hear. The one you think if you do that they'll think your not worth their time, that they won't have time for you. That they will think less of you. That you might add to their burdens. That you might not be able to bless them that way."
I was also getting good at telling that voice to hush now, just keep quiet. God and me, we can handle this, right God? Right? Did I pray that right God? You did hear me, right? You do know all this mess, right? You are leading me right? Huh???? Shhhhh, now. Shhhh.
So the little voice slowly started getting tired of being ignored, and started disrupting my sleep, you know that cherished escape from all that "work" of living. And after a few nights of restlessness, scattered dreams, tossing and turning, IT happened. That dreaded IT. That moment God says, yes I hear you. Yes I am trying to talk to you. Yes I know. Yes, if you'll stop and listen, can you see me trying to talk to you here????
So He waits till I'm like the Christmas poem says, "All snug" in my bed. Then He does IT . . . He wakes me up. Ugh!!!!! What was that???? Did the dog need to go out? Was there someone about to break in? Was that a car? A train? (no, not superman!). I listened to . . . .. . . silence.
So up I go, maybe I just needed to go to the bathroom . . . maybe check everyone. . . they're all here accounted for, asleep. No one sick or needing me, the dog's even snoozing. Time to check out the windows maybe, one at a time, wow . . . it's really really dark tonight. Better turn on the floodlights Stephen had installed out back for times like this . . . . nope, all's well in Backyardland.
Off go the lights. Hum.
Well, better check around front . . . they laughed at my super big peephole, the one down lower in the door than most homes for a short person like me that wears bifocals. I'm soooo grateful for it, these are dangerous times you know! Ok, so I'm looking around, not seeing anything out of the ordinary, but it's still dark, maybe I'd better move over to the window, I can part the blind slats just enough to peek out. Dread, fear, fatigue, irritation, all flood my weary soul. I lean my head closer, and line my eyes up with the small crack I've made between the slats. . . . . and I behold. . . . the last thing I ever thought I'd behold.
There in my front yard, surrounded by utter pitch black darkness was a circle of light. No, not divine light, not in that mysterious magical way we often pray for. But divine light none the less. It was the light from the street light I forgot was out there, the one that's older than I am. It pushed the darkness back far enough for me to see "my yard" - that plot of earth I call mine, my comfort zone. No monsters, no bad guys, no storms or tornados. But God didn't wake me up to just see all was well in the midst of my dark night. Nope. Not my Father. He's into "and then some" stuff.
Right in the circle of my street light, old and dim as it may be - small town budgets being what they are - was something He had arranged soley for me to see. There were no cars or trucks on the usually busy highway, often even late into the night. No neighbors still out late, or forgetting to turn off their own porchlights. No stray dogs, nada, nothing but stillness and quiet . . . and then the darkness moved.
It moved in two places. Two very different places. Ok, so my mind automatically thinks the worst. Most often around here when something that shape and dark moves at night it's usually a skunk. Just what I needed in my yard, a big stink. . . but wait . . . it's not just moving . . it's . . . hopping!
And all of a sudden my breath was taken away. There before my eyes in this dark night of silence were two very large, very black and beautiful wild rabbits. I've seen rabbits before, most of us have and do, what's the big deal? I even had kept two as pets for several years growing up. The big deal was, I had never seen two like this, so wild and so very black, and so calm and happy just to be there in the darkness together. They romped and played and probably were hunting snacks as they were doing so. They hopped apart, then back together, touched noses. I quietly opened the insulated steel front door, moving every so slightly to the locked glass storm door, and watched for what seemed like endless moments.
Then it hit me - Stephen and the boys have to see this,where's my digital camera! It was not where it was supposed to be, I looked everywhere, without making a sound, searched high and low, peeking back out at the black rabbits. I finally gave up, as I watched them hop back along their journey back into the blackness, gone. No one saw what I saw, not another living soul to my knowledge. Just me . . . and my Father.
I went back to bed, and told my Father I had seen what He sent my way, I had heard Him tell me He was here with us in our night. He reminded me sometimes there are things in our lives we might not see or know are there if we only had the daytimes, or if we didn't have His light to shine on them for us in the darkness. He reminded me He is over the dark as much as the light. It will not win, it will not overcome or overwhelm. He will use it for our good. He will show us things we'd never imagine in the dark times.
Then He will send us back to bed, back to sleep, a sleep that restores and readies us for the day to come.
Don't forget this, my friend. Together, let's keep looking when it's dark all around. For with Him and through Him our darkness is not our enemy. He is over all, and with us through it all. And if we look close enough . . . . there just might be black rabbits.
"And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts." - 2 Peter 19
"And this is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all." - 1 John 1:5
"For Thou art my lamp, O Lord, and the Lord illumines my darkness." - 2 Samuel 29
Love to you each,
Michelle
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
25 Things of Me
Sweet, sweet friends,
On Facebook a friend tagged me challenging me to write 25 things about myself. I dallied around and put it off, and then I had this morning off. Others had been writing about themselves, so I said, shoot, I'll give it a try.
When I was finished - I realized I had gone down memory lane a great deal. And I didn't really want to forget some of this like I have for quite a while now. So I'm copying it here for myself, and you can read it too. Then maybe you can see what I saw and was reminded of.
I saw through it all - God's presence and working in and around me the whole time. If you're not on facebook or don't want to be so public - maybe sit down and do your own list. At the beginning I thought I'd not be able to come up with 25 things. At the end, I realized I could keep going and going and going - like the energizer bunny. A walk down your history lane.
Here's mine . . .
1. I am not shy, but have to pray alot about this - I often don't know the right words to say in simple everyday situations, and that makes me nervous - it often comes out totally wrong and I embarrass myself, especially with people I admire but don't talk to often.
2. I speak better when I write it since I learned how to hold a pencil. It's like my hands talk better than my mouth :).
3. I have a special nickname my dad calls me just between us (until now) - I used to hate it but now I love it - when I was 20 I realized I had misunderstood where it came from and what it meant LOL! - I'm "Sore Toe Baby" - and I'll leave it at that.
4. Nearly all my very best friends growing up were dogs - real dogs - mostly not my own, borrowed from family and neighbors - Lady, Ben, Georgie Girl, Brady, and now Scooter.
5. Growing up I was very shy - but I talked, only to those I was comfortable with - I avoided everyone else.
6. Thanks to my dad, I have traveled to many states, but we didn't make all of them -yet.
7. When my dad was laid off work, he drove a gas delivery truck and I was his sidekick, and got to ride with him. Sounds boring, but it was actually very interesting and fun.
8. I have lived in Michigan and Nebraska, but I'm a native Texan and hope to be here till God calls me home!
9. When I was very small, about 5 yrs, I had my hand slammed in the car door of our 1967 Ford Galaxy two door, my dad slammed his weight the other way as soon as he caught on what was happening. Trip to the ER and xrays - and there was not a single broken bone - amazing :). Both my Daddys took care of me that day.
10. We lived very close to the schools growing up - I got to come home for lunch every day, and spend time with my mom. I loved those times.
11. My 7th grade teacher taught me compassion that I understood. One day I was treated by my mom to take my lunch in a special bag to school one day and eat with friends (money for the bags was a big treat for us). My lunch was stolen, and the bag found in the trash can. I didn't get to eat that day. I was furious when the culprit was found but not truly punished. My teacher's comment? "Willie was hungry, Michelle. That may be the only meal he's had in several days." and she left it at that. It always stuck with me. It was before free lunches.
12. My earthly heroes are my Gran, Granny and Grandad Otis. They lived through so many trials and hardships. They died with very little earthly possesions. They were rich indeed. I learned so much about faith and the Lord from 3 very different personalities - but all showed me unconditional love. That's how I feel God loves me, like they did.
13. I was a charter member of Vansickle Bapt. Church in Hunt County - we first met on a creek bank/pasture and had several animals present and participating. Then it was an old two room school house/community center, and my dad and some of the men built out door toilets for us. When the weather was very bad - we all gathered close to the space heaters instead of spread out on the pews to worship - but we did keep it short :).
14. Stephen and I met in highschool, and been together ever since. It's a God thing.
15. Stephen told me before Zachary was born that Zachary would have red hair and blue eyes - I insisted he'd have brown hair and brown eyes and argued heatedly. He won.
16. The day after I graduated high school - I was driving my parent's car to Caddo to go to the bank and see my grandmother. A 20 minute Texas down pour came, and in the process my 80+ great aunt who also lived there pulled out in front of me and we had a wreck. The rest is family history!
17. That same great aunt was also my sunday school teacher years before when I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior.
18. I enjoy watching old black and white movies, especially with Stephen, but we've nearly seen them all, even the very bad ones!
19. In high school, I won the Phoenix award for our English Honors publication - and then wished I didn't when a close friend was upset I won it.
20. Once I won a new TV when a new Cleaners opened up by TCBY Yogurt in Greenville. I had used that cleaners that one time. Never did go back - didn't use cleaners much - and they only stayed in business a couple years or so. I felt bad about that LOL! We had a decent TV, but were so broke, so we sold it for the money!
21. The wildest, dumbest thing I ever did as a teenager was probably when I did a Dukes of Hazard type jump with my dad's 1967 Ford - the same car my hand was shut in the door - only it was now 1980.Long story, just think daytime, the small city lakes at Caddo down by the cotton gin, been away too long, and they no longer had one of the dirt roads down exiting from the same corner it used to be. Miracles that day - neither me nor my firends with me were hurt, and the car didn't get a scratch or break anything. I finally told my dad a few years ago - right before he finally sold that car. I loved that car!
22. I feel I have been given extra years of life here, God met me one on one when Isaac was born. My doctor that day didn't think either of us would make it through his premature birth, my body was shutting down. God answered my prayer that day. I prayed, "Lord, I have trusted and believed in You all this time. I am so alone, no one can go through this surgery but me, and this little baby. Was it for real, are You for real, did I do the right thing?". And He spoke to me audibly, and physically where I heard a true voice and felt true arms that wrapped around me & layed down with me on that gurney, and said "Yes, and I'm here, you are not going through this alone.". There was no human in the room with me at that moment. I had not been given any drugs yet. He did many other unique things then there's not time or room to write. I have no doubts in Him, although I still have doubts in me sometimes.
23. I had a wild rabbit as a pet growing up- a big rabbit named Uncle Analdas after a crotchety old uncle rabbit character in the book "Rabbit Hill" - a favorite book growing up.
24. When I was 3, I started my career in modeling at my local school for the whole community. I walked out, looked around, and promptly turned tail and retreated back where I came from. That was the end of my modeling career. Thanks to my camera addict mother, bless her, this event is well documented in our family photos.
25. Growing up around music and a Dad that was a very gifted guitar picker - my favorites - singing "You are my Sunshine" with me every time I asked him to play and sing it with me, and him also playing/picking "Wildwood Flower" every time I asked - which was often. I'd sit on the floor, crosslegged, and looking up watching those magical fingers and strings. He can't play anymore. I can hear it when I close my eyes and remember.
Now maybe you know me better, and more importantly, you know more of God's presence with you, now, today!
Love,
Michelle
On Facebook a friend tagged me challenging me to write 25 things about myself. I dallied around and put it off, and then I had this morning off. Others had been writing about themselves, so I said, shoot, I'll give it a try.
When I was finished - I realized I had gone down memory lane a great deal. And I didn't really want to forget some of this like I have for quite a while now. So I'm copying it here for myself, and you can read it too. Then maybe you can see what I saw and was reminded of.
I saw through it all - God's presence and working in and around me the whole time. If you're not on facebook or don't want to be so public - maybe sit down and do your own list. At the beginning I thought I'd not be able to come up with 25 things. At the end, I realized I could keep going and going and going - like the energizer bunny. A walk down your history lane.
Here's mine . . .
1. I am not shy, but have to pray alot about this - I often don't know the right words to say in simple everyday situations, and that makes me nervous - it often comes out totally wrong and I embarrass myself, especially with people I admire but don't talk to often.
2. I speak better when I write it since I learned how to hold a pencil. It's like my hands talk better than my mouth :).
3. I have a special nickname my dad calls me just between us (until now) - I used to hate it but now I love it - when I was 20 I realized I had misunderstood where it came from and what it meant LOL! - I'm "Sore Toe Baby" - and I'll leave it at that.
4. Nearly all my very best friends growing up were dogs - real dogs - mostly not my own, borrowed from family and neighbors - Lady, Ben, Georgie Girl, Brady, and now Scooter.
5. Growing up I was very shy - but I talked, only to those I was comfortable with - I avoided everyone else.
6. Thanks to my dad, I have traveled to many states, but we didn't make all of them -yet.
7. When my dad was laid off work, he drove a gas delivery truck and I was his sidekick, and got to ride with him. Sounds boring, but it was actually very interesting and fun.
8. I have lived in Michigan and Nebraska, but I'm a native Texan and hope to be here till God calls me home!
9. When I was very small, about 5 yrs, I had my hand slammed in the car door of our 1967 Ford Galaxy two door, my dad slammed his weight the other way as soon as he caught on what was happening. Trip to the ER and xrays - and there was not a single broken bone - amazing :). Both my Daddys took care of me that day.
10. We lived very close to the schools growing up - I got to come home for lunch every day, and spend time with my mom. I loved those times.
11. My 7th grade teacher taught me compassion that I understood. One day I was treated by my mom to take my lunch in a special bag to school one day and eat with friends (money for the bags was a big treat for us). My lunch was stolen, and the bag found in the trash can. I didn't get to eat that day. I was furious when the culprit was found but not truly punished. My teacher's comment? "Willie was hungry, Michelle. That may be the only meal he's had in several days." and she left it at that. It always stuck with me. It was before free lunches.
12. My earthly heroes are my Gran, Granny and Grandad Otis. They lived through so many trials and hardships. They died with very little earthly possesions. They were rich indeed. I learned so much about faith and the Lord from 3 very different personalities - but all showed me unconditional love. That's how I feel God loves me, like they did.
13. I was a charter member of Vansickle Bapt. Church in Hunt County - we first met on a creek bank/pasture and had several animals present and participating. Then it was an old two room school house/community center, and my dad and some of the men built out door toilets for us. When the weather was very bad - we all gathered close to the space heaters instead of spread out on the pews to worship - but we did keep it short :).
14. Stephen and I met in highschool, and been together ever since. It's a God thing.
15. Stephen told me before Zachary was born that Zachary would have red hair and blue eyes - I insisted he'd have brown hair and brown eyes and argued heatedly. He won.
16. The day after I graduated high school - I was driving my parent's car to Caddo to go to the bank and see my grandmother. A 20 minute Texas down pour came, and in the process my 80+ great aunt who also lived there pulled out in front of me and we had a wreck. The rest is family history!
17. That same great aunt was also my sunday school teacher years before when I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior.
18. I enjoy watching old black and white movies, especially with Stephen, but we've nearly seen them all, even the very bad ones!
19. In high school, I won the Phoenix award for our English Honors publication - and then wished I didn't when a close friend was upset I won it.
20. Once I won a new TV when a new Cleaners opened up by TCBY Yogurt in Greenville. I had used that cleaners that one time. Never did go back - didn't use cleaners much - and they only stayed in business a couple years or so. I felt bad about that LOL! We had a decent TV, but were so broke, so we sold it for the money!
21. The wildest, dumbest thing I ever did as a teenager was probably when I did a Dukes of Hazard type jump with my dad's 1967 Ford - the same car my hand was shut in the door - only it was now 1980.Long story, just think daytime, the small city lakes at Caddo down by the cotton gin, been away too long, and they no longer had one of the dirt roads down exiting from the same corner it used to be. Miracles that day - neither me nor my firends with me were hurt, and the car didn't get a scratch or break anything. I finally told my dad a few years ago - right before he finally sold that car. I loved that car!
22. I feel I have been given extra years of life here, God met me one on one when Isaac was born. My doctor that day didn't think either of us would make it through his premature birth, my body was shutting down. God answered my prayer that day. I prayed, "Lord, I have trusted and believed in You all this time. I am so alone, no one can go through this surgery but me, and this little baby. Was it for real, are You for real, did I do the right thing?". And He spoke to me audibly, and physically where I heard a true voice and felt true arms that wrapped around me & layed down with me on that gurney, and said "Yes, and I'm here, you are not going through this alone.". There was no human in the room with me at that moment. I had not been given any drugs yet. He did many other unique things then there's not time or room to write. I have no doubts in Him, although I still have doubts in me sometimes.
23. I had a wild rabbit as a pet growing up- a big rabbit named Uncle Analdas after a crotchety old uncle rabbit character in the book "Rabbit Hill" - a favorite book growing up.
24. When I was 3, I started my career in modeling at my local school for the whole community. I walked out, looked around, and promptly turned tail and retreated back where I came from. That was the end of my modeling career. Thanks to my camera addict mother, bless her, this event is well documented in our family photos.
25. Growing up around music and a Dad that was a very gifted guitar picker - my favorites - singing "You are my Sunshine" with me every time I asked him to play and sing it with me, and him also playing/picking "Wildwood Flower" every time I asked - which was often. I'd sit on the floor, crosslegged, and looking up watching those magical fingers and strings. He can't play anymore. I can hear it when I close my eyes and remember.
Now maybe you know me better, and more importantly, you know more of God's presence with you, now, today!
Love,
Michelle
Thursday, January 22, 2009
He prayed for us . . . .
. . . even then. John 17. Take some time, the computer won't leave, the TV can wait, open and read it word for word. Let it sink into your heart. . . then meet me back here.
It was so long ago. . . . and He prayed for you, for me, for those who would hear the word 2000 years later, on an unusually warm, sunny day in Texas, sitting where you are sitting, reading this very moment, looking at this computer screen. You. And He meant every word from the bottom of His heart.
And His Father listened and heard Him and answered. Today, Here, Now. And He, our Father, our God, is reaching down into the here and now, to you and me. Out of love. Answering a prayer not forgotten. Answering it ceaselessly, in your yesterday, your today, and your tomorrow.
Be still.
Listen. . . .. with your ears, heart, mind and soul.
Hear Him speak to your soul, hug your heart, wash your worries, comfort your cares.
Sink in, soak in, be smothered in His love and care.
Now -take a deep breath and then look up, look outward - and help that husband, that child, that mother, that father, that friend right beside you, help them to remember, to know. They need to know and remember, too, just like you and me.
It's been sweet to visit. We can meet again soon. I'll be here. Take care.
Love,
Michelle
It was so long ago. . . . and He prayed for you, for me, for those who would hear the word 2000 years later, on an unusually warm, sunny day in Texas, sitting where you are sitting, reading this very moment, looking at this computer screen. You. And He meant every word from the bottom of His heart.
And His Father listened and heard Him and answered. Today, Here, Now. And He, our Father, our God, is reaching down into the here and now, to you and me. Out of love. Answering a prayer not forgotten. Answering it ceaselessly, in your yesterday, your today, and your tomorrow.
Be still.
Listen. . . .. with your ears, heart, mind and soul.
Hear Him speak to your soul, hug your heart, wash your worries, comfort your cares.
Sink in, soak in, be smothered in His love and care.
Now -take a deep breath and then look up, look outward - and help that husband, that child, that mother, that father, that friend right beside you, help them to remember, to know. They need to know and remember, too, just like you and me.
It's been sweet to visit. We can meet again soon. I'll be here. Take care.
Love,
Michelle
Friday, January 9, 2009
our tomorrows and our times . . .
Hello, you're here, too,
Something about evenings - the heart and mind turn always to what matters most. You came to mind. I was thinking of those things I can't do - things I can't make happen - needs I can't meet. I was talking to the Lord about them, and I thought and prayed -
"You know Lord, I bet my friend here feels a great deal like I do. News about the world around us, it's kind of scary. Made me fearful even though You've provided for me so well. I keep jumping ahead of my time into tomorrow, and I bet my friend tends to do that too. Thanks for reminding me of sandals and clothes that did not wear out for forty years, for jars of oil that never ran dry, for manna, water from rocks, a few fish and loaves of bread that fed a multitude, and for a stone that did not stay closed, but was rolled away, for grave clothes left behind, along with a Spirit that sits upon the throne of our hearts and draws us up upon His lap and keeps us Yours."
I can almost hear His voice, singing softly - Hush, my child, and trust in me, tomorrow's not yours, it belongs to me. Rest in peace, and safely sleep, trusting in Me my promises to keep."
"As for me, I trust in Thee, O Lord, I say "Thou art my God, my times are in Thy hand."
~Psalms 31:14 & 15
night night, for now,
Michelle
Something about evenings - the heart and mind turn always to what matters most. You came to mind. I was thinking of those things I can't do - things I can't make happen - needs I can't meet. I was talking to the Lord about them, and I thought and prayed -
"You know Lord, I bet my friend here feels a great deal like I do. News about the world around us, it's kind of scary. Made me fearful even though You've provided for me so well. I keep jumping ahead of my time into tomorrow, and I bet my friend tends to do that too. Thanks for reminding me of sandals and clothes that did not wear out for forty years, for jars of oil that never ran dry, for manna, water from rocks, a few fish and loaves of bread that fed a multitude, and for a stone that did not stay closed, but was rolled away, for grave clothes left behind, along with a Spirit that sits upon the throne of our hearts and draws us up upon His lap and keeps us Yours."
I can almost hear His voice, singing softly - Hush, my child, and trust in me, tomorrow's not yours, it belongs to me. Rest in peace, and safely sleep, trusting in Me my promises to keep."
"As for me, I trust in Thee, O Lord, I say "Thou art my God, my times are in Thy hand."
~Psalms 31:14 & 15
night night, for now,
Michelle
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Futile training ?
Hi there, friend, good to talk to you today. Did I tell you I woke up sick today?
Just wondering . . . do you have kids? No? Maybe you have been one, maybe relate from a different vantage. Yes? Then you and I will relate from this vantage point today. I just have to tell you what God told me today. And to be honest, I didn't even think about Him being around at that particular moment and time. My mind and body were sort of preoccupied. You see, I woke up very sick this AM. High fever. Freight-train-running-you-over aches, skull-feeling- like-it-cracked-sometime-during-the-night kind of headache.
Ah, but I'm a mom, a wife, a worker, and you know life doesn't stop for us, it can't function without us. So many times we drag ourselves up, and almost accomplish it all in spite of illness. Or - dread of all dreads - we stay in bed a day or two - and then - horror of horrors, we face what piled up while we piled up.
When they were babies, and we got sick, we almost panicked as much as when they got sick. When they were toddlers, we could be sick to the point of rabid, and know they still could not be allowed to exist without proper care and supervision.
So somehow, we managed, thanks to our own moms or grandmothers, a super hubby, a close friend or three, but mostly the Grace of our Lord. So we've lived through it pretty much unscathed.
Oh, but how if we are truly honest weren't there those moments when we stood at the precipice looking at the destruction and chaos - and thought something like this:
"It wasn't like this when I was a little girl. There was soda and crackers, coloring books, crayons, vicks vaporub tenderly applied, baths given, treats in bed, cartoons past my normal limit" and other such memories.
Then I'd remember all the times the others were sick in my home. I raised two sons for a total so far of 34 years, been married to my sweet hubby for over 25, and I've been there for every virus, every flu, every food poisoning, every headache, every hospital trip, every surgery, you name it. Sleepless nights, more glasses of Sprite than I can count, toast, chicken soup, oh, and don't forget the Blue Bell Ice Cream, even making homemade floats and flurries, extra TV programs, fluffed pillows, hand delivered meds and TV trays, blankets added, blankets removed. Toilets cleaned, sheets changed in the middle of the night.
But most of the time, when it came my turn, unless my own mom traveled near, I was on my own, unless it was done with frowns, fatigue, grumps, or so it seemed to me on my pity trip. Oh, I did get sympathy and prayers. But not the tlc I wanted.
And I griped at the kids. And I griped at the hubby. And I griped at the Lord. "Don't you love me enough or care enough to help me? I'm sick! Don't you see what I did for you when you were sick? Didn't you learn anything growing up? Don't you love me enough to care of me like I care for you?" Wow. Mom on the warpath again, and taking a right turn on the pity party lane.
What does this have to do with today? Well, did I tell you about last weekend either? My 19 year old got sick, this same thing I woke up with today. But he's a hardworker, he hated being sick, too much to do, you know. He was so sick he was knocked off his feet. What did I do? I grabbed the TV tray, the sprite, the tylenol and advil, the cold medicine, the thermometer, and I checked on him every so often, made him cram his meds and liquids down, you know, just being mom.
What does this have with today? you ask again. Ok. Ok. Let me share this first. I woke up on time anyway, have a 15 year old, and school is back from the holidays. I must get him to school, and when I figure I can't make work I call a coworker and my boss, feeling like I'm committing a crime in doing so.
Then I hear the shower running, but my 15 yr old is eating breakfast, and unless I've done it in a stupor, it's not my shower running. I find my 19 year old in his - he's taking his brother to school and back for me today, "Mom, I'm doing that - you don't have to."
Cool. They leave, I crash back in my unmade bed, without evening having combed my hair, or brushed my teeth, and enter that state of sleeping feverishly. I feel as I sleep, that I'm getting worse, and really need liquid, my throat is parched, I need something to help this fever. I can hardly stir, I cry out to the Lord, "Ok, Lord, just help me raise up and make it to the bathroom, to get drink and meds, help me open my eyes."
And then He did it. He answered my prayer.
So what's the big deal you wonder.
Well, I pushed aside the 8 pound chihuahua heater, swung my feet over the bedside, sat up and right in front of me was a sight to behold.
There sat a TV tray.
On it were the following items: One glass of ice water, one thermometer, and one bottle of Advil and one box of cold medicine.
Wow.
I crawled out of bed, drank, took meds, used the restroom, and went in search of the only other human in the house- my 19 year old. It's his absolutly only "free" day before he goes back to college, all others were full of activities or work. He's on the love seat, also asleep. I pray a thanks, and go back to bed.
What did the Lord say to me? Didn't you hear Him? No? Here's what He said:
"Remember when I said train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it? I meant it. And all those time you thought what you were teaching was landing on deaf ears and hearts? It didn't. I landed on fertile soil. And it grew. It was not wasted. It was not useless. And more took root than even what you have seen today on that TV tray."
Oh, Lord, how blessed and loved I felt at that moment! I saw in my son the kindness and action to love not just by words used. To do when not asked, to care when needed. And I was the recipient, just how cool was that.
But you know, the Lord didn't leave it at that, He's good at doing that to me, He always has to add just one more thing.
"You know," he said, "I know how you felt all those times. I know as a father, a parent who loves and cares for his children day in and day out how it feels to see it seemingly ignored, taken for granted. I know how old it can get waiting for your kids to "get it", and for them to remember you and all you give so of yourself over and over. Yea, even you, you've done that with me, you know." Ouch . . ..
But He added, "But I also know the times you learned, and you showed you were fertile soil, you could love through actions without words, to be present, to meet needs. And that was when I was most proud of you. For that is when I saw Myself in you, your reflection of Me, your father. And that's how it should be."
"Oh. . . . . thank you, father. I heard You. I will take this to heart. I'm sorry for the times I was distant and self focused. Help me to have more times like my son had today. Help me to let others see my Father in me more and more. . . and bless us with your presence every day, I love you, amen."
He cares so for you, too, my friends, rest in that - sweet dreams.
Michelle
Just wondering . . . do you have kids? No? Maybe you have been one, maybe relate from a different vantage. Yes? Then you and I will relate from this vantage point today. I just have to tell you what God told me today. And to be honest, I didn't even think about Him being around at that particular moment and time. My mind and body were sort of preoccupied. You see, I woke up very sick this AM. High fever. Freight-train-running-you-over aches, skull-feeling- like-it-cracked-sometime-during-the-night kind of headache.
Ah, but I'm a mom, a wife, a worker, and you know life doesn't stop for us, it can't function without us. So many times we drag ourselves up, and almost accomplish it all in spite of illness. Or - dread of all dreads - we stay in bed a day or two - and then - horror of horrors, we face what piled up while we piled up.
When they were babies, and we got sick, we almost panicked as much as when they got sick. When they were toddlers, we could be sick to the point of rabid, and know they still could not be allowed to exist without proper care and supervision.
So somehow, we managed, thanks to our own moms or grandmothers, a super hubby, a close friend or three, but mostly the Grace of our Lord. So we've lived through it pretty much unscathed.
Oh, but how if we are truly honest weren't there those moments when we stood at the precipice looking at the destruction and chaos - and thought something like this:
"It wasn't like this when I was a little girl. There was soda and crackers, coloring books, crayons, vicks vaporub tenderly applied, baths given, treats in bed, cartoons past my normal limit" and other such memories.
Then I'd remember all the times the others were sick in my home. I raised two sons for a total so far of 34 years, been married to my sweet hubby for over 25, and I've been there for every virus, every flu, every food poisoning, every headache, every hospital trip, every surgery, you name it. Sleepless nights, more glasses of Sprite than I can count, toast, chicken soup, oh, and don't forget the Blue Bell Ice Cream, even making homemade floats and flurries, extra TV programs, fluffed pillows, hand delivered meds and TV trays, blankets added, blankets removed. Toilets cleaned, sheets changed in the middle of the night.
But most of the time, when it came my turn, unless my own mom traveled near, I was on my own, unless it was done with frowns, fatigue, grumps, or so it seemed to me on my pity trip. Oh, I did get sympathy and prayers. But not the tlc I wanted.
And I griped at the kids. And I griped at the hubby. And I griped at the Lord. "Don't you love me enough or care enough to help me? I'm sick! Don't you see what I did for you when you were sick? Didn't you learn anything growing up? Don't you love me enough to care of me like I care for you?" Wow. Mom on the warpath again, and taking a right turn on the pity party lane.
What does this have to do with today? Well, did I tell you about last weekend either? My 19 year old got sick, this same thing I woke up with today. But he's a hardworker, he hated being sick, too much to do, you know. He was so sick he was knocked off his feet. What did I do? I grabbed the TV tray, the sprite, the tylenol and advil, the cold medicine, the thermometer, and I checked on him every so often, made him cram his meds and liquids down, you know, just being mom.
What does this have with today? you ask again. Ok. Ok. Let me share this first. I woke up on time anyway, have a 15 year old, and school is back from the holidays. I must get him to school, and when I figure I can't make work I call a coworker and my boss, feeling like I'm committing a crime in doing so.
Then I hear the shower running, but my 15 yr old is eating breakfast, and unless I've done it in a stupor, it's not my shower running. I find my 19 year old in his - he's taking his brother to school and back for me today, "Mom, I'm doing that - you don't have to."
Cool. They leave, I crash back in my unmade bed, without evening having combed my hair, or brushed my teeth, and enter that state of sleeping feverishly. I feel as I sleep, that I'm getting worse, and really need liquid, my throat is parched, I need something to help this fever. I can hardly stir, I cry out to the Lord, "Ok, Lord, just help me raise up and make it to the bathroom, to get drink and meds, help me open my eyes."
And then He did it. He answered my prayer.
So what's the big deal you wonder.
Well, I pushed aside the 8 pound chihuahua heater, swung my feet over the bedside, sat up and right in front of me was a sight to behold.
There sat a TV tray.
On it were the following items: One glass of ice water, one thermometer, and one bottle of Advil and one box of cold medicine.
Wow.
I crawled out of bed, drank, took meds, used the restroom, and went in search of the only other human in the house- my 19 year old. It's his absolutly only "free" day before he goes back to college, all others were full of activities or work. He's on the love seat, also asleep. I pray a thanks, and go back to bed.
What did the Lord say to me? Didn't you hear Him? No? Here's what He said:
"Remember when I said train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it? I meant it. And all those time you thought what you were teaching was landing on deaf ears and hearts? It didn't. I landed on fertile soil. And it grew. It was not wasted. It was not useless. And more took root than even what you have seen today on that TV tray."
Oh, Lord, how blessed and loved I felt at that moment! I saw in my son the kindness and action to love not just by words used. To do when not asked, to care when needed. And I was the recipient, just how cool was that.
But you know, the Lord didn't leave it at that, He's good at doing that to me, He always has to add just one more thing.
"You know," he said, "I know how you felt all those times. I know as a father, a parent who loves and cares for his children day in and day out how it feels to see it seemingly ignored, taken for granted. I know how old it can get waiting for your kids to "get it", and for them to remember you and all you give so of yourself over and over. Yea, even you, you've done that with me, you know." Ouch . . ..
But He added, "But I also know the times you learned, and you showed you were fertile soil, you could love through actions without words, to be present, to meet needs. And that was when I was most proud of you. For that is when I saw Myself in you, your reflection of Me, your father. And that's how it should be."
"Oh. . . . . thank you, father. I heard You. I will take this to heart. I'm sorry for the times I was distant and self focused. Help me to have more times like my son had today. Help me to let others see my Father in me more and more. . . and bless us with your presence every day, I love you, amen."
He cares so for you, too, my friends, rest in that - sweet dreams.
Michelle
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Another ordinarily stressful day . . .
Hi there. Hope you're making it okay. Me? Oh, fairly well. . . honestly? Okay, yeah. Today - well, it was one of "those" days. You know the kind. No one died, no car crashes, no broken bones. But it felt that way. More like a Texas Tornado blew through. Trash forgotton to be taken out - again ;). Oh, and lunch money as we walk out the door, hurry up mom. Off to work, could have used that time to get off at a better time, to not be so rushed. Work? Fast paced, yes, that's normal, but it was like each person or account or phone call was just a bit more than "normal", taking a bit more of that precious commodity "Time". Yes, yes, those normally rare moments where you had four people needing you at the same time, and only a second or two to prioritize, they came at you several times today. Ah - but now it's day's end - at least from there. I made it to the time clock, punched, and out the door before I felt guilty for those still left working. I put in my hours, it was my time to leave . . . okay, when I got home, I emailed the new girl, a bible verse no less - you know the ones - they "encourage" . Hopefully she'll show back up tomorrow. See I did my part . . . didn't I?
Wow.
Is that a day of peace?
Is that a day that brought God any glory?
Is that a day that my kids will remember me as a loving mom?
A voice whispers in my heart - NO! YOU BLEW IT! YOU'RE NO GOOD, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, IF IT ALL CRASHES DOWN IT'S YOUR FAULT".
Have you heard that voice, too, lately? Yeah, you know the one. It belongs to the one we forget who they really are. They are the Father of Lies. Surprised? You shouldn't be. It's not the voice of your conscious. It's not our Father, our Lord Jesus. It's the one who wants to bring us down. So what can we do now? Well, I don't know about you, but here's what I'm going to do.
1. Remember he's the father of LIES. Remember what my real Father would and is saying - things like "Wow, you made it through this day with a smile still on your face. You took time for everyone I sent your way. You offered to stay and help the new gal. You stepped out of the meeting so others could stay and learn. You worked hard, but you earned your pay, and that's what work is - what I ask of you, to work hard, as unto Me. You missed lunch, and didn't bother to tell anyone about it, cause several of them did, too" and on and on.
2. Rethink my "bad day". - Trash did get out - and that same teenager washed two loads last night for you while doing their homework without you asking. It's over, and no permanent damage done. Some ideas of how to do better, to maybe not have a repeat. I still got work done, and when I got home, I had two handsome sons, one hubby, and a chihuahua to greet me, wagging tail and all.
3. Remember that I had prayed this morning, asking the Lord to go and be with us each one, to our schools and jobs. See the moments the "answer" popped up into my mind, that it didn't "freeze up", that others "happened" to walk up just when I needed them.
4. Now, it's time to pray again -
"Lord, yeah, it's me - again. Uh huh. I just need Your ear for a sec. I want to say thanks, Father, for lifting my hands to their tasks today and not letting them drop the job. Thanks for the fact You're in my "bad" days as much as my good ones. Thank you that in spite of my grumbling heart and tummy, others could leave my area of influence having had someone at least once that day smile and look them in the eye. If nothing else, Lord, You helped me do that. Take it as my offering today, bless them in a special way. And Lord, there is someone reading these words I'm plunking down here. Remember them, too. I think one or two of them probably had a day like mine. I hope so - 'cause it brings a smile to my face to know You were there with them in their day just like You were with me, - and we all made it through. Help them see You in it, Lord. Tomorrow? Lord, when it gets here, will You walk still with us each step? Till then, I want to leave it in Your hands, and I love you! Talk to you again soon, probably at bedtime. - amen"
"I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy, for You have considered my trouble; You have known my soul in adversities" - Psalm 31:7
"The Lord your God himself crosses over before you . . He will be with you, He will not leave you or forsake you." - Deut. 31:3,8.
Bye for now, sweet friends, rest in Him,
Michelle
Wow.
Is that a day of peace?
Is that a day that brought God any glory?
Is that a day that my kids will remember me as a loving mom?
A voice whispers in my heart - NO! YOU BLEW IT! YOU'RE NO GOOD, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, IF IT ALL CRASHES DOWN IT'S YOUR FAULT".
Have you heard that voice, too, lately? Yeah, you know the one. It belongs to the one we forget who they really are. They are the Father of Lies. Surprised? You shouldn't be. It's not the voice of your conscious. It's not our Father, our Lord Jesus. It's the one who wants to bring us down. So what can we do now? Well, I don't know about you, but here's what I'm going to do.
1. Remember he's the father of LIES. Remember what my real Father would and is saying - things like "Wow, you made it through this day with a smile still on your face. You took time for everyone I sent your way. You offered to stay and help the new gal. You stepped out of the meeting so others could stay and learn. You worked hard, but you earned your pay, and that's what work is - what I ask of you, to work hard, as unto Me. You missed lunch, and didn't bother to tell anyone about it, cause several of them did, too" and on and on.
2. Rethink my "bad day". - Trash did get out - and that same teenager washed two loads last night for you while doing their homework without you asking. It's over, and no permanent damage done. Some ideas of how to do better, to maybe not have a repeat. I still got work done, and when I got home, I had two handsome sons, one hubby, and a chihuahua to greet me, wagging tail and all.
3. Remember that I had prayed this morning, asking the Lord to go and be with us each one, to our schools and jobs. See the moments the "answer" popped up into my mind, that it didn't "freeze up", that others "happened" to walk up just when I needed them.
4. Now, it's time to pray again -
"Lord, yeah, it's me - again. Uh huh. I just need Your ear for a sec. I want to say thanks, Father, for lifting my hands to their tasks today and not letting them drop the job. Thanks for the fact You're in my "bad" days as much as my good ones. Thank you that in spite of my grumbling heart and tummy, others could leave my area of influence having had someone at least once that day smile and look them in the eye. If nothing else, Lord, You helped me do that. Take it as my offering today, bless them in a special way. And Lord, there is someone reading these words I'm plunking down here. Remember them, too. I think one or two of them probably had a day like mine. I hope so - 'cause it brings a smile to my face to know You were there with them in their day just like You were with me, - and we all made it through. Help them see You in it, Lord. Tomorrow? Lord, when it gets here, will You walk still with us each step? Till then, I want to leave it in Your hands, and I love you! Talk to you again soon, probably at bedtime. - amen"
"I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy, for You have considered my trouble; You have known my soul in adversities" - Psalm 31:7
"The Lord your God himself crosses over before you . . He will be with you, He will not leave you or forsake you." - Deut. 31:3,8.
Bye for now, sweet friends, rest in Him,
Michelle
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Hello Friend, just getting started!
Hey, good to "hear" from you! Glad you came by. Not much going on here today, but if you could be a birdie over the shoulder or perverbial fly on the wall, you would know it took a nearly grown teenage son and a middle aged mom to get this up and going. YEA!
Now I'm too sleepy to write much, but I still want to remind you that God is still on His throne, His sweet Spirit still in our hearts, ever present, and He does love you and me.
We'll visit more next time. It will take a bit to let you know I'm here. In His time!
a friend,
Michelle
Now I'm too sleepy to write much, but I still want to remind you that God is still on His throne, His sweet Spirit still in our hearts, ever present, and He does love you and me.
We'll visit more next time. It will take a bit to let you know I'm here. In His time!
a friend,
Michelle
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